A Rational Fear of Sharks is now One Year old! How cool is that! Thank you if you've been reading for the whole year. If you've recently had a peep, then thank you as well. If you're yet to have a gander, join in the celebrations and hope no-one notices that you haven't been here for the whole time. Here's a variation on the famous 'pop' song 'Happy Birthday' in celebration.
HB (Happy Birthday)
Happy birthday to you,
My dear sweet, precious blog,
I write stuff on you,
You just sit, smile and nod (cybernetically).
Not like my human friends,
When I write poems on them,
They say stuff like ‘leave me alone,’
‘Actually stop writing on me.’
But not you, dear blog.
Not you.
Until you develop consciousness.
But until that day,
That fateful day,
Not too long now to go,
I’ll write on you,
More poems on you,
And I hope that you will know:
I appreciate it.
Thursday 24 February 2011
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Sum ('some') Nu ('new') Shorties ('short poems' [in this context])
Hello, hello. Here are some more short poems for you and you alone.
55. ‘Take that!’ said the Pope, listening to Take That.
56. Nomadically, he brushed his teeth.
57. Dork alert, thought the Nerd.
58. Here come the Nerds, thought the Dork, to the tune of ‘Here Come the Girls’.
59. The Swot rubbed his hands with glee, looking for all the world like a Rotter.
60. Christopher cautiously climbed into his chrysalis, which clung to the rim of a chrysanthemum.
61. Having ingested the candle in his own inimitable way, Pedro sneezed, showering the front row with wax and wick.
62. Two dolphins were 69ing. When they blew air out of their blowholes, the force of it made them spin like a Catherine Wheel.
63. Dragging his doughy body around. Darren was disgustingly fat.
64. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! What the fuck are you doing here?
65. A monkey? Wearing a hat? Well I never? Well, I never.
66. A cheetah sits ‘twixt a rock and a hard place. It stayed there for the night. Then it moved on.
67. Not why, but when did the chicken cross the road? If he did at a peak time, on an off-peak ticket, then he must owe the council a fine. (note use of ‘peak’ which sounds like ‘beak’ which are on chickens)
See you soon. Hopefully something will happen soon that I can write a poem or something about.
55. ‘Take that!’ said the Pope, listening to Take That.
56. Nomadically, he brushed his teeth.
57. Dork alert, thought the Nerd.
58. Here come the Nerds, thought the Dork, to the tune of ‘Here Come the Girls’.
59. The Swot rubbed his hands with glee, looking for all the world like a Rotter.
60. Christopher cautiously climbed into his chrysalis, which clung to the rim of a chrysanthemum.
61. Having ingested the candle in his own inimitable way, Pedro sneezed, showering the front row with wax and wick.
62. Two dolphins were 69ing. When they blew air out of their blowholes, the force of it made them spin like a Catherine Wheel.
63. Dragging his doughy body around. Darren was disgustingly fat.
64. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! What the fuck are you doing here?
65. A monkey? Wearing a hat? Well I never? Well, I never.
66. A cheetah sits ‘twixt a rock and a hard place. It stayed there for the night. Then it moved on.
67. Not why, but when did the chicken cross the road? If he did at a peak time, on an off-peak ticket, then he must owe the council a fine. (note use of ‘peak’ which sounds like ‘beak’ which are on chickens)
See you soon. Hopefully something will happen soon that I can write a poem or something about.
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Topical Poems
Given the furore over the sexism rife at Sky Sports, I thought it would be remiss of me not to make up two topical poems, one for Richard Keys and one for the delightful Andy Gray
The first is simply called:
Smash It
‘Did you smash it?’
Asked Richard Keys, expecting raucous laughter.
‘You definitely smashed it.’
Said Richard Keys. Awkward silence, after.
The second is called:
Clubbing
The nightclub fell still,
The DJ’s records slowed to a halt,
The Garage song rapidly losing beats-per-minute (bpm).
The ladies, wiggling their bums on poles,
Oscillated ever slower.
The men tossing bottles of VK down their gullets
Started dribbling VK down their Ben Sherman shirts.
Everyone looked to the entrance way,
Pissed as fuck stands Andy Gray,
He gazes out, eyes glazed,
Sweat oozing from his face.
‘Who wants to get felt up by a celebrity??’
He roars.
And the party starts again.
Yeah, I bet they never thought they'd get satirised in poetry form.
The first is simply called:
Smash It
‘Did you smash it?’
Asked Richard Keys, expecting raucous laughter.
‘You definitely smashed it.’
Said Richard Keys. Awkward silence, after.
The second is called:
Clubbing
The nightclub fell still,
The DJ’s records slowed to a halt,
The Garage song rapidly losing beats-per-minute (bpm).
The ladies, wiggling their bums on poles,
Oscillated ever slower.
The men tossing bottles of VK down their gullets
Started dribbling VK down their Ben Sherman shirts.
Everyone looked to the entrance way,
Pissed as fuck stands Andy Gray,
He gazes out, eyes glazed,
Sweat oozing from his face.
‘Who wants to get felt up by a celebrity??’
He roars.
And the party starts again.
Yeah, I bet they never thought they'd get satirised in poetry form.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)