A Sonnet on The Apprentice

So we all know who won. It was marvellous of course. Here is where I imagine the business will be in, say, a years time (in sonnet form).

Made in Taiwan

"You think that this is good enough, do you?"
Howled Tom Pellereau at the sweatshop kids
He'd bought in secret to bring his back-chair through,
"You don't have a fucking clue about business!"
Nick watched on, tutting disapprovingly,
Whilst Karen crunched the numbers in the back.
Nick needed these chairs made and damn quickly
(He probed his spine, his vertebrae went Crack)
"Sometimes you've got to walk before you run."
The sagely wisdom of Head Salesman, Jim.
Nick pistol whipped him with a massive gun,
"You talk to me again, I'll break your chin."
In Head Office, Lord Sugar filed his nails
Obliviously, pleased with this months' sales.



Keep your eyes peeled, as I will be doing a video of me doing a topical ballad (in the poetical, rather than the power sense) and I'm also writing my first ever Diss Rap. Who is it about? It could be you? (it's not you, probably)

THANKSBYE

Edinburgh and a New Poem

Hello there everyone.

Hope you're all well? Ah, that's good/sad.

Well, here is some news - I'm going up to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with the good people at Misshapen Theatre - there are to be two plays performed, on Love, Sex, and the Internet. I'm involved with Phillipa and Will Are Now In A Relationship (directing) and the other one is be-named The Sexual Awakening of Peter Mayo. Both written by award-winning playwright Jon Brittain, and both extremely funny plays about. Well. Love, sex and the internet. (Look at the website for more info - IT'S UP THERE!) I do need to do a little bit of quasi-begging for any monies that can be spared... If you could visit our WeFund page (click the word 'WeFund') and have a look at the video, see if you agree, maybe give some money (incentives are listed there). THANK YOU.

RIGHT. A poem. This is a vilanelle, for some reason.

Friend

I had a friend who came to stay one day
But now it seems he simply won't go home.
I only wish that he would go away.
I go for breakfast - he's there - I say, "Hey
You're still around. I thought you might have gone."
I had a friend who came to stay one day.
I mean, it's great when he brings up a tray
With supper. I really don't want to moan.
I only wish that he would go away.
I went to Europe for my holidays
And he was there when I returned from Rome.
I had a friend who came to stay one day
And now he's hanging round me like a stray
Cat I once fed milk, but now can't send home.
I only wish that he would go away
But no such luck, I guess he's here to stay -
Maybe I'll pack my bags and hit the road.
I had a friend who came to stay one day.
I only wish that he would go away.

Thanksbye.