Topical Poems

Given the furore over the sexism rife at Sky Sports, I thought it would be remiss of me not to make up two topical poems, one for Richard Keys and one for the delightful Andy Gray

The first is simply called:

Smash It

‘Did you smash it?’
Asked Richard Keys, expecting raucous laughter.
‘You definitely smashed it.’
Said Richard Keys. Awkward silence, after.



The second is called:

Clubbing

The nightclub fell still,
The DJ’s records slowed to a halt,
The Garage song rapidly losing beats-per-minute (bpm).
The ladies, wiggling their bums on poles,
Oscillated ever slower.
The men tossing bottles of VK down their gullets
Started dribbling VK down their Ben Sherman shirts.
Everyone looked to the entrance way,
Pissed as fuck stands Andy Gray,
He gazes out, eyes glazed,
Sweat oozing from his face.
‘Who wants to get felt up by a celebrity??’
He roars.
And the party starts again.


Yeah, I bet they never thought they'd get satirised in poetry form.