A Tale For Our Times

So, sometimes I listen to Adam and the Ants, on account of the fact that me and my three sisters used to listen to them and, indeed, we rocked out accordingly. I may be the only one who still listens to them. But I'm glad I do, because their New Romantic gibberish has prompted me to write this poem which I just wrote just now. It is based 'pon a lyric from the Adam and the Ants hit song 'Strip'. The lyric it is based on is the title of the poem. I hope you like it.

I Am Not A Man Who Believes In Lies Like An Octopus With Big X-Ray Eyes

As the title suggests,
I’m not a man
Who believes in lies.
Or at least…
I wasn’t.

All this changed one winter’s morn,
I stepped outside with my jacket on.
A normal day, thus far you’d think -
I thought this too.
A big mistake.

Look up.
See.
THIS ENOURMOUS FUCKING OCTOPUS!!!!
Flee.

I got to work that day,
Thought I had run away,
And by the end, well, hey -
I’d forgotten all about it.
Some scary, half-awake fragment.
Of a dream.

How wrong was I?

VERY WRONG!!!!!!!!
For that very night, I was watching TV
I could feel something could see me.

I peeped out the window,
Into the glistening dusk,
Saw hide ni’ hair ni‘ eyeball,
Of Giant Octopus.
But still I felt that furious gaze,
It shimmered ‘pon me like a haze,
That’s when I saw it.
Clutching my wall.
A pink - stroke - purple
Tentacle.

‘Hey pal,’ I heard a deep voice say,
Echoes sounding ‘cross the bay.
‘Why is it all the livelong day,
No-one I spoke to could hear me?
But now you can, oh man in house,
And you can help this octopus.
See I have a problem ‘twixt my pals;
If you can answer it then I shall
Stop spying on you.
With my x-ray eyes.’

‘Ok,’ I spluttered nervously
Wondering if he’d seen me pee,
Or worse, go for a number three.
Thus I responded hurriedly;
‘What’s the problem then, buddy?’

‘I believe in lies,’ Moaned the behemoth,
‘And all my friends think I’m stupid.
Does that make me stupid?’

‘Yes,’ replied I brusquely, curtly.
‘Oh - did you say that to hurt me?
You’d best not have done because,
You see,
I’m as tall as the tallest tree.’

‘No,’ said I, coolly, calmly,
‘I said it because, my friend,
I am not a man who believes in lies,
Unlike you,
Oh, octopus with big x-ray eyes.
Who is also big himself.’

‘Well maybe you should believe in lies.’
That was what the octopus said,
In a weedy voice.
And then he dropped dead.
He died of a broken heart.
I had smashed all of his dreams.
And now even in my sleep,
I hear the octopus scream:

‘You are not a man who believes in lies,
Unlike me; Octopus With Big X-Ray Eyes.’